Struggle of a Faggot

Teenaged Problems, part Three

I'm reluctant in addressing the title of this post, because I hope I'm not insulting your intelligence by doing so. Though, it's something I'll most likely mention eventually anyway, and it fits with the difficulty of being gay.

What I mean is that I'm not the type of person to be offended by the word "faggot", or "queer", or any other similar homosexually-associated word. That's all they are - words. I use them all the time, e.g. extensively while playing Call of Duty. What is offending is the intent of a word - which should go without saying. What I'm telling you now is that if I ever do write these words, it's simply out of jocularity. Don't be offended by them. Part of growing up gay, I think, is knowing when to be offended (even if you don't show it), and to have a thick skin when you are.

This leads me into the problem of being a homosexual in society - or, more importantly, society's problem towards homosexuals. It's the next of my major problems in life - next on my Riley's Problems chart. While I would probably agree that it's not as big of a social problem as it was in the past, we can all see and realize the continued ostracizement of gays. I'm not going to rant about the ignorance of certain Topekan churches, or that governments ought to legalize gay marriage, because I'm aware that I'm not going to be fixing social problems through my little corner of the Internet. However, I can attempt to give comfort to those who are the subject of these problems.

Since I am in the closet, I can't speak for those outside of it, or say how well off you'd be if you came out, but what I can say is that the simple fact of there being a closet to come out of - that some of us have to hide a fundamental part of ourselves - is a total mindfuck in itself. To have to hide and lie literally every day of one's life is an extremely difficult burden, no doubt. It's why it is one of the problems that I feel is necessary to discuss in explaining who I am as a person.

I'm always afraid of being outed to my peers, and I tense up when the topic of homosexuality is brought up between my friends and family. It is truly fearful to know that there are some who would think less of me, to say the least, due to my sexuality. Sometimes, I wish that I weren't gay. We've all heard it before: "it's gross," "it's unnatural," "it's wrong." Despite comments such as these being horribly backwards and ignorant, it doesn't lessen the fact that they're genuinely regarded as true by people we know and interact with. This is suffocating and oppressive to have to live through every day. In high school, this is especially evident.


I feel the only reason that justifies staying in the closet is the avoidance of others' negative reactions to your sexuality. It should never be because you can't embrace yourself, or because you feel like you're less of a person because of it, because that's simply untrue.

Many of us fear the consequences of being outed, but none of us can blame ourselves. It's not our fault for the ignorance and intolerance of others. I'll most likely go into more detail on this in a later post, but it's nonetheless something that you should always know. Who you are is who you are, and no one has any right to judge you based on who you love.

There is nothing wrong when it comes to giving and making love. There is nothing wrong with being who you are - whether straight, gay, bi, trans, or Chinese.

The Pygmalion Effect

While on the topic of negative societal perception towards gays, I recall a unique psychological study that took place some years ago. It's often related to problems of racism, sexism, and bullying, and explains one of the more impactful influences of intolerance.

This theory, called the 'Pygmalion Effect', or the 'Rosenthal Effect', is associated with situations in which others' and society's expectations impact our own thoughts and actions. It's commonly referred to as a "self-fulfilling prophecy".

In 1966, Robert Rosenthal conducted an experiment at an elementary school, in which random students were selected to be labeled academically superior. At the end of the year, these students tested significantly higher than the other, academically 'inferior', students. Rosenthal concluded that the expectations placed on certain students could impact their academic abilities. This well-known study has had extremely important repercussions in the psychology of self-perception.

The idea behind it is that your own self expectations will ultimately coalesce with others' expectations of you. While it can have a positive effect - most iconically that you will succeed if others expect you to - it may also occur oppositely. If you're constantly viewed as inferior, be it intellectually, physically, sexually, artistically, or in any other attribute, the Pygmalion Effect explains that you will naturally adopt these perceptions as your own - regardless of their validity.

The Pygmalion Effect is commonly referred to as a "self-fulfilling" prophecy.  Someone who holds the belief that he is worthless, unintelligent, or inept will usually fulfill his expectations.  He will be confined within self-imposed limitations. Conversely, those who hold positive self-perceptions and aspirations are more likely to achieve what they set out to accomplish.  

This brings me back to the commonly expressed views that homosexuality is "disgusting," "unnatural," or "wrong." They can have a more deeply impacting effect than even the recipients may be aware of, as it almost always occurs on a subconscious and passive level from unaware people - even many who may not intend any harm at all.  If someone is bullied or harassed enough, they tend to begin believing the hate and insult that others throw at them - which ultimately leads to much more harmful and lasting personal trauma.

What I hope to provide is an awareness of the social and psychological influence of the Pygmalion Effect, and thus equip you to consciously counteract it's negative impacts, if you are one of the many who are victim to harassment or bullying. Half of the battle is within yourself - it is your expectations that ultimately guide you, and these are not only subject to others around you. If you do ever hear that it's "wrong" to be who you are, simply understand that it's not true. Tell yourself that it's not true. And tell yourself that others' perceptions need not be your own; accepting yourself for who you are is the first, and most important, step towards living with being gay in a society full of misunderstanding and bigotry.


Sources on the Pygmalion Effect:

http://www.users.muohio.edu/shermalw/edp603_group2-f00.html 
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-pygmalion-effect.htm
www.momescapade.com/.../PDFs/the_pygmalion_effect.pdf