Riley's Love

Teenaged Problems, part Two

Love, as an idea, is of course everything that's ridiculously portrayed in Disney movies (minus the racism). Yet love in practice has a twist, in that there is both a good and bad side to it, I think. The good is the Disney fairytale (though I won't say it's nonexistent) that you share with the person of your dreams, which gives purpose to your life, and transcends everything else. The bad side of love, however, is slightly less ideal. Think of a prison.  It's cold, dark, restricting, solitary, and you're always afraid of getting hurt, right?.  When I think of love, this same image comes to mind.

In my 'Riley's Problems' chart, 'Love' is the biggest issue in my life.  Specifically, that it's unrequited - which is probably the reason for my jaded perception of it.


I'm in love with my best friend, whom I've known since second grade. He's arguably the most popular guy in my grade, and the best looking (if you ask me)... and he's straight. Consequently, the fact that I'm deeply in love with him is a source of a lot of pain for me. I'm sure that I'll be mentioning him quite a lot in the future.

One of the most difficult things that I've ever done was telling him, about two months ago, that I was attracted to dudes. It was a huge relief that he's completely accepting and nonjudgmental of me, yet what remains is the admittedly bigger problem of my feelings for him.

The words that I'd use to describe my situation are along the lines of cold, dark, restricting, and solitary (sound familiar?); I feel imprisoned by my love for my friend, which I can never be open with. It's quite the opposite of a 'transcendent, life-fulfilling connection.'

Although it's painful to know that I'll never be loved back by this guy, I value our close friendship much more than a risk at a 'closer' relationship. We've shared a lot together, and all the memories of us, as friends, are much more important to me than a fantasy kiss, or fuck. And despite my cynicism, I tell myself that there are more guys out there - ones that really will love me back. 


If you're in a similar position, where you're in love with a friend, or a straight person, or just with someone who doesn't love you back, at school, work, etc, remind yourself that he or she is not your only chance at happiness.  Remind yourself that if this person doesn't love you back, then it's not worth loving them. Yes, I know that this may be impossible right now - I know very well how hard it is to try to escape the prison of love - but the thing you can do is look forward to the moment when you'll meet an even more amazing person - and this time, they'll think that you're amazing, too.

You're just Sleeping Beauty, and it's only a matter of time before someone comes along to wake you from your long, lonely sleep, and let you live the Disney fairy tale that you want with them.