Pride

What does it mean to have pride in oneself?

I posed on my earlier post, "Labels", the question: 'why would someone proclaim their pride in being gay any more than they would proclaim their pride in being human?'

What I rhetorically meant by this was that being gay is just fundamentally part of who I am, without my ability or desire to change. This is equivalent to any other aspect of my being, and of my humanity; what I truly intended to convey was that there should be no reason to be any "prouder" in my sexuality than I would be in my ability to breathe or think. They are each parts of myself - they are what make me human. And just as there is nothing abnormal or remarkable with breathing and thinking, there is nothing abnormal or remarkable with being gay. It is simply a fact that I am, and nothing more.

What I especially want to clarify is that being gay is not what makes me unique. Would you say that your ability to breathe makes you unique? Is what makes you interesting? I don't think so. Similarly, one's sexuality shouldn't be what's interesting about oneself - its not a talent, or a skill, or a hobby; it's just what you are. The fact that I'm gay will never define who I am. It never can define my personality - how could it? Could you distinguish my interests, my hobbies, my mannerisms, or any aspect of who I am from my ability to breathe? No! Until a gay man or a gay woman can walk down the street without having to hide their sexuality, and without someone giving them a second glance or stopping to consciously recognize their homosexuality, then society will always have a skewed - and thus wrong - position towards it.

What I see as important is the acceptance of our human characteristics. We must accept our - and others' - sexuality for the simple reason that it is as inherent, natural, and non-harmful as breathing is - and that's how we should be advocating it, I think (though perhaps not as redundantly as I with the "breathing" example). What I find the most ideal fulfillment of this is the idea of never even mentioning your sexuality - straight people have no necessity to explain that they're straight, and it should be the same for all sexualities. I should be able to live my life without anyone giving a second thought to whom I'm attracted to.

Imagine a world in which there is not even the concept of separate sexualities; in which the ideas of "gay" and "straight" don't even exist - because they don't matter. Where people simply have sex and fall in love with whoever they want to without the fear of even being recognized as 'different'. Yes, I know that this is incredibly idealistic and improbable.. but isn't this social evolution what we ought to be striving for anyway?

I think that the means to progressing the societal position of homosexuals is to realize that we aren't different because of our sexualities. We're all human, and the advocation of equality - not uniqueness - is what I feel is what will be most beneficial to spreading acceptance.


I'm not trying to condescend to the 'gay pride' movement or imply that it's advocating the wrong message. Yet an analogy that I've considered before is the difference between the black Civil Rights movement in the USA, and the militant members of the Black Panthers. We, as gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transsexuals, are all seeking civil acceptance and tolerance, as were the countless others who fought for the same for African Americans. Some of those in the gay community, however, seek acknowledgement along the lines of militancy, gaudiness, or exclusivity as were many members of the Black Panthers. LGBT people ought to seek inclusion in society, and not segregation or contempt of it, nor pity or different treatment from it. Some are only seeking civil acceptance (which I support), yet others of the gay pride movement would desire the meretricious egotism and conflict that some of the Black Panthers wished for blacks. I'm not even necessarily condemning these types of gay activists; I only condemn the practice of them claiming to represent all gays.


Perhaps my disturbance at the term "gay pride" simply results from the word; I've explained, from my perspective, that one should not feel prideful over an inherent, human characteristic (at least, not to the extent of declaring a distinct pride in it). One should ACCEPT oneself, not declare oneself. In my eyes, the term should be along the lines of "gay acceptance", and not "gay pride".

A good friend of mine once said to me, "gay seems to be all-defining, and it's hard to push into the background sometimes. If you're not proud and up-front about it, then you have to be ashamed. There's no middle ground with people. Hopefully there will be more gay people like us... where it's just something about us, and not the only thing about us. I really think that's the key for the gay community moving forward... not pride parades."

I've mentioned pride parades earlier, and that I felt they were the epitome of false labeling - due to the flamboyance and ostentatiousness associated with them. Though, I'd like to make it clear that I do strongly agree that a pride parade is a place where gays can be themselves and enjoy "a sense of belonging and community that one doesn't normally feel." I do strongly agree that these are very important and beneficial aspects to pride parades, and I do strongly agree that these are aspects that should be continued. However, when the "up-front", flamboyant, and ostentatious acting out of certain members (comparative to the Black Panthers) becomes the symbol and/or image of gay pride, I feel it does become detrimental; I feel that it does promote the idea that homosexuality is to be recognized as something apart from normality. Something to have a separate necessity to be "proud" in. And this is detrimental. 

Yet I do honestly feel this is the true aim and motive of the "pride" movement, and that I am not speaking out against it. I understand that 'pride' is simply meant as the opposition of 'shame', which I hope I've made obvious that I oppose as well - though with 'acceptance' rather than 'pride'. Yet, I think that this motivation for the pride movement does sometimes get muddled in the commonly carnivalesque attitude to and of it.

Trust me, I strongly support those who would courageously follow the examples of MLK Jr, Medgar Evers, Ghandi, Richard Adams, David Kato, Harvey Milk, and countless heroes who have given their lives to seek equality and fight prejudice, because that is yet to be fully achieved for the LGBT community. Regardless, it goes without saying that it should always be kept in mind why and how we ought to seek acceptance. Should it not be because we are not different from "normal" society? Is it not because we are normal?

I don't have pride in calling myself gay. What I would have pride in is the ability to withstand - and ultimately, overcome - the struggle of social nonacceptance. But that's not unique to being gay, is it? People have been ostracized for all reasons: skin color, belief, ethnicity. All of these are parts of the fight for human rights, and all - including sexuality - are part of simply being human.