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| Expectation of small talk is oppressive |
Sure, I can acknowledge that the purpose of small talk is as a social lubrication to maintain some kind of subconscious mutual positivity... but that bores me. I would choose an actual conversation with someone instead of "nice weather, huh?" any day of the week. In fact, the points during the day at which I'm most vocal are when it's a class discussion over some topic; when it comes to literature analysis or historical reflection, my eyes light up with the possibility of debate and perspective deliberation. I've earned a notorious reputation as a devil's advocate, and a more jocular - if somewhat disparaging - label from my teacher: "critical thinker".
When it comes to conversation, I would simply rather have an intellectually probing one rather than nonfunctional chatter. However, this is socially maladjusted; hardly anyone wants to pour out their personal philosophies, viewpoints, and ideas. I would love to ask people what they think about subjects like morality, astrology, theology, sexuality, and most any other ologies and alities. I would love to hear someone's wishes, goals, and interests. But more realistically, I would just rather have a conversation in which interest doesn't have to be feigned. Because those kinds of conversations are interesting. Aren't they?
I know from the past that when I vainly try to approach such topics, they quickly get dropped due to my friends' apparently indifferent exasperation. I find that people would rather discuss the shitty Minnesotan weather than their own views on life, and that depresses me. Consequential to this dispassionate status quo, there's not really any place for people like me - people who prefer deep conversation. This means that I'm considered quiet, and shy - because that's what naturally occurs when one hardly has any desire to contribute to boring conversations. I am shy because I'm aware of the effect introversion has on others. I primarily have a desire to talk about non-social topics, and I fear that if I do say something, then it will be a topic that is uninteresting and weird. The point is, I have no desire for petty conversation, and anyone else rarely has any desire for intellectual or divulgent conversation, and thus there's no reason for me to speak much at all. This is what earns me the label of "shy" - I don't speak that much, so I'm looked at as a loner.
Now don't get me wrong - I'm not seeking to discuss the deepest questions mankind has ever considered with everyone I meet, and I'm not beyond the desire for chatting (as long as it's not solely to just make noise). I say hello to people in the hallways and sometimes feign interest in what they're saying as well, I make jokes and I enjoy speaking with people at my school. It's just that I'd much rather replace the boring chats with deep ones. Perhaps I'm simply a characteristic introvert; I prefer small groups and purposeful conversation, and despise the opposite.
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| Big talk > small talk ..okay, maybe the guy does look a little bored |
Yet this social barrier for people like me in particular is something I'm concerned about. I can't be the only one out there that wishes conversational topics could be a little less dull - and frankly, I think it's something we all, whether introvert or extrovert, ought to strive for. Why not ask your friends what they think about topics you care about? About things you never bothered to bring up in the past? Why not make relationships more interesting, and consequently deeper? I believe that if you can have mutually connective conversations, which may require sharing silently-held beliefs, then your friends will be closer to you through them.
"I am very little inclined on any occasion to say anything unless I hope to produce some good by it."
- Abraham Lincoln
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